Monday, April 21, 2008

The TMI Files. Shopping Tales.

We had to duck out to pick up a few groceries earlier this evening, and I caught Magilla out doing a Kev.

So I had a few words with her.

Me: Don't do that, you look just like Kevin Rudd!

Magilla: What do you mean?

Me: Don't pick at your ear and eat your wax. Kevin Rudd does that. That's disgusting.

Magilla: I wasn't.

Me: I saw it, and if I catch you doing that again, I'll start calling you Kevin.

Yeah, I know, Rudd Derangement Syndrome. It's still disgusting, though.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Enoch Powell's Speech

Many thanks to His Grace, the Archbishop Cranmer for the complete text of Enoch Powell's prescient speech on the immigration debate from 40 years ago.

The supreme function of statesmanship is to provide against preventable evils. In seeking to do so, it encounters obstacles which are deeply rooted in human nature.

One is that by the very order of things such evils are not demonstrable until they have occurred: at each stage in their onset there is room for doubt and for dispute whether they be real or imaginary. By the same token, they attract little attention in comparison with current troubles, which are both indisputable and pressing: whence the besetting temptation of all politics to concern itself with the immediate present at the expense of the future.

Above all, people are disposed to mistake predicting troubles for causing troubles and even for desiring troubles: "If only," they love to think, "if only people wouldn't talk about it, it probably wouldn't happen."

Perhaps this habit goes back to the primitive belief that the word and the thing, the name and the object, are identical.

At all events, the discussion of future grave but, with effort now, avoidable evils is the most unpopular and at the same time the most necessary occupation for the politician. Those who knowingly shirk it deserve, and not infrequently receive, the curses of those who come after.
A week or two ago I fell into conversation with a constituent, a middle-aged, quite ordinary working man employed in one of our nationalised industries.

After a sentence or two about the weather, he suddenly said: "If I had the money to go, I wouldn't stay in this country." I made some deprecatory reply to the effect that even this government wouldn't last for ever; but he took no notice, and continued: "I have three children, all of them been through grammar school and two of them married now, with family. I shan't be satisfied till I have seen them all settled overseas. In this country in 15 or 20 years' time the black man will have the whip hand over the white man."

I can already hear the chorus of execration. How dare I say such a horrible thing? How dare I stir up trouble and inflame feelings by repeating such a conversation?

The answer is that I do not have the right not to do so. Here is a decent, ordinary fellow Englishman, who in broad daylight in my own town says to me, his Member of Parliament, that his country will not be worth living in for his children.

I simply do not have the right to shrug my shoulders and think about something else. What he is saying, thousands and hundreds of thousands are saying and thinking - not throughout Great Britain, perhaps, but in the areas that are already undergoing the total transformation to which there is no parallel in a thousand years of English history.

In 15 or 20 years, on present trends, there will be in this country three and a half million Commonwealth immigrants and their descendants. That is not my figure. That is the official figure given to parliament by the spokesman of the Registrar General's Office.

There is no comparable official figure for the year 2000, but it must be in the region of five to seven million, approximately one-tenth of the whole population, and approaching that of Greater London. Of course, it will not be evenly distributed from Margate to Aberystwyth and from Penzance to Aberdeen. Whole areas, towns and parts of towns across England will be occupied by sections of the immigrant and immigrant-descended population.

As time goes on, the proportion of this total who are immigrant descendants, those born in England, who arrived here by exactly the same route as the rest of us, will rapidly increase. Already by 1985 the native-born would constitute the majority. It is this fact which creates the extreme urgency of action now, of just that kind of action which is hardest for politicians to take, action where the difficulties lie in the present but the evils to be prevented or minimised lie several parliaments ahead.

The natural and rational first question with a nation confronted by such a prospect is to ask: "How can its dimensions be reduced?" Granted it be not wholly preventable, can it be limited, bearing in mind that numbers are of the essence: the significance and consequences of an alien element introduced into a country or population are profoundly different according to whether that element is 1 per cent or 10 per cent.

The answers to the simple and rational question are equally simple and rational: by stopping, or virtually stopping, further inflow, and by promoting the maximum outflow. Both answers are part of the official policy of the Conservative Party.

It almost passes belief that at this moment 20 or 30 additional immigrant children are arriving from overseas in Wolverhampton alone every week - and that means 15 or 20 additional families a decade or two hence. Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. We must be mad, literally mad, as a nation to be permitting the annual inflow of some 50,000 dependants, who are for the most part the material of the future growth of the immigrant-descended population. It is like watching a nation busily engaged in heaping up its own funeral pyre. So insane are we that we actually permit unmarried persons to immigrate for the purpose of founding a family with spouses and fiancés whom they have never seen.

Let no one suppose that the flow of dependants will automatically tail off. On the contrary, even at the present admission rate of only 5,000 a year by voucher, there is sufficient for a further 25,000 dependants per annum ad infinitum, without taking into account the huge reservoir of existing relations in this country - and I am making no allowance at all for fraudulent entry. In these circumstances nothing will suffice but that the total inflow for settlement should be reduced at once to negligible proportions, and that the necessary legislative and administrative measures be taken without delay.

I stress the words "for settlement." This has nothing to do with the entry of Commonwealth citizens, any more than of aliens, into this country, for the purposes of study or of improving their qualifications, like (for instance) the Commonwealth doctors who, to the advantage of their own countries, have enabled our hospital service to be expanded faster than would otherwise have been possible. They are not, and never have been, immigrants.

I turn to re-emigration. If all immigration ended tomorrow, the rate of growth of the immigrant and immigrant-descended population would be substantially reduced, but the prospective size of this element in the population would still leave the basic character of the national danger unaffected. This can only be tackled while a considerable proportion of the total still comprises persons who entered this country during the last ten years or so.

Hence the urgency of implementing now the second element of the Conservative Party's policy: the encouragement of re-emigration.

Nobody can make an estimate of the numbers which, with generous assistance, would choose either to return to their countries of origin or to go to other countries anxious to receive the manpower and the skills they represent.

Nobody knows, because no such policy has yet been attempted. I can only say that, even at present, immigrants in my own constituency from time to time come to me, asking if I can find them assistance to return home. If such a policy were adopted and pursued with the determination which the gravity of the alternative justifies, the resultant outflow could appreciably alter the prospects.

The third element of the Conservative Party's policy is that all who are in this country as citizens should be equal before the law and that there shall be no discrimination or difference made between them by public authority. As Mr Heath has put it we will have no "first-class citizens" and "second-class citizens." This does not mean that the immigrant and his descendent should be elevated into a privileged or special class or that the citizen should be denied his right to discriminate in the management of his own affairs between one fellow-citizen and another or that he should be subjected to imposition as to his reasons and motive for behaving in one lawful manner rather than another.

There could be no grosser misconception of the realities than is entertained by those who vociferously demand legislation as they call it "against discrimination", whether they be leader-writers of the same kidney and sometimes on the same newspapers which year after year in the 1930s tried to blind this country to the rising peril which confronted it, or archbishops who live in palaces, faring delicately with the bedclothes pulled right up over their heads. They have got it exactly and diametrically wrong.

The discrimination and the deprivation, the sense of alarm and of resentment, lies not with the immigrant population but with those among whom they have come and are still coming.
This is why to enact legislation of the kind before parliament at this moment is to risk throwing a match on to gunpowder. The kindest thing that can be said about those who propose and support it is that they know not what they do.

Nothing is more misleading than comparison between the Commonwealth immigrant in Britain and the American Negro. The Negro population of the United States, which was already in existence before the United States became a nation, started literally as slaves and were later given the franchise and other rights of citizenship, to the exercise of which they have only gradually and still incompletely come. The Commonwealth immigrant came to Britain as a full citizen, to a country which knew no discrimination between one citizen and another, and he entered instantly into the possession of the rights of every citizen, from the vote to free treatment under the National Health Service.

Whatever drawbacks attended the immigrants arose not from the law or from public policy or from administration, but from those personal circumstances and accidents which cause, and always will cause, the fortunes and experience of one man to be different from another's.
But while, to the immigrant, entry to this country was admission to privileges and opportunities eagerly sought, the impact upon the existing population was very different. For reasons which they could not comprehend, and in pursuance of a decision by default, on which they were never consulted, they found themselves made strangers in their own country.

They found their wives unable to obtain hospital beds in childbirth, their children unable to obtain school places, their homes and neighbourhoods changed beyond recognition, their plans and prospects for the future defeated; at work they found that employers hesitated to apply to the immigrant worker the standards of discipline and competence required of the native-born worker; they began to hear, as time went by, more and more voices which told them that they were now the unwanted. They now learn that a one-way privilege is to be established by act of parliament; a law which cannot, and is not intended to, operate to protect them or redress their grievances is to be enacted to give the stranger, the disgruntled and the agent-provocateur the power to pillory them for their private actions.

In the hundreds upon hundreds of letters I received when I last spoke on this subject two or three months ago, there was one striking feature which was largely new and which I find ominous. All Members of Parliament are used to the typical anonymous correspondent; but what surprised and alarmed me was the high proportion of ordinary, decent, sensible people, writing a rational and often well-educated letter, who believed that they had to omit their address because it was dangerous to have committed themselves to paper to a Member of Parliament agreeing with the views I had expressed, and that they would risk penalties or reprisals if they were known to have done so. The sense of being a persecuted minority which is growing among ordinary English people in the areas of the country which are affected is something that those without direct experience can hardly imagine.

I am going to allow just one of those hundreds of people to speak for me:

“Eight years ago in a respectable street in Wolverhampton a house was sold to a Negro. Now only one white (a woman old-age pensioner) lives there. This is her story. She lost her husband and both her sons in the war. So she turned her seven-roomed house, her only asset, into a boarding house. She worked hard and did well, paid off her mortgage and began to put something by for her old age. Then the immigrants moved in. With growing fear, she saw one house after another taken over. The quiet street became a place of noise and confusion. Regretfully, her white tenants moved out.

“The day after the last one left, she was awakened at 7am by two Negroes who wanted to use her 'phone to contact their employer. When she refused, as she would have refused any stranger at such an hour, she was abused and feared she would have been attacked but for the chain on her door. Immigrant families have tried to rent rooms in her house, but she always refused. Her little store of money went, and after paying rates, she has less than £2 per week. “She went to apply for a rate reduction and was seen by a young girl, who on hearing she had a seven-roomed house, suggested she should let part of it. When she said the only people she could get were Negroes, the girl said, "Racial prejudice won't get you anywhere in this country." So she went home.

“The telephone is her lifeline. Her family pay the bill, and help her out as best they can. Immigrants have offered to buy her house - at a price which the prospective landlord would be able to recover from his tenants in weeks, or at most a few months. She is becoming afraid to go out. Windows are broken. She finds excreta pushed through her letter box. When she goes to the shops, she is followed by children, charming, wide-grinning piccaninnies. They cannot speak English, but one word they know. "Racialist," they chant. When the new Race Relations Bill is passed, this woman is convinced she will go to prison. And is she so wrong? I begin to wonder.”

The other dangerous delusion from which those who are wilfully or otherwise blind to realities suffer, is summed up in the word "integration." To be integrated into a population means to become for all practical purposes indistinguishable from its other members.

Now, at all times, where there are marked physical differences, especially of colour, integration is difficult though, over a period, not impossible. There are among the Commonwealth immigrants who have come to live here in the last fifteen years or so, many thousands whose wish and purpose is to be integrated and whose every thought and endeavour is bent in that direction.

But to imagine that such a thing enters the heads of a great and growing majority of immigrants and their descendants is a ludicrous misconception, and a dangerous one.
We are on the verge here of a change. Hitherto it has been force of circumstance and of background which has rendered the very idea of integration inaccessible to the greater part of the immigrant population - that they never conceived or intended such a thing, and that their numbers and physical concentration meant the pressures towards integration which normally bear upon any small minority did not operate.

Now we are seeing the growth of positive forces acting against integration, of vested interests in the preservation and sharpening of racial and religious differences, with a view to the exercise of actual domination, first over fellow-immigrants and then over the rest of the population. The cloud no bigger than a man's hand, that can so rapidly overcast the sky, has been visible recently in Wolverhampton and has shown signs of spreading quickly. The words I am about to use, verbatim as they appeared in the local press on 17 February, are not mine, but those of a Labour Member of Parliament who is a minister in the present government:

'The Sikh communities' campaign to maintain customs inappropriate in Britain is much to be regretted. Working in Britain, particularly in the public services, they should be prepared to accept the terms and conditions of their employment. To claim special communal rights (or should one say rites?) leads to a dangerous fragmentation within society. This communalism is a canker; whether practised by one colour or another it is to be strongly condemned.'

All credit to John Stonehouse for having had the insight to perceive that, and the courage to say it.

For these dangerous and divisive elements the legislation proposed in the Race Relations Bill is the very pabulum they need to flourish. Here is the means of showing that the immigrant communities can organise to consolidate their members, to agitate and campaign against their fellow citizens, and to overawe and dominate the rest with the legal weapons which the ignorant and the ill-informed have provided. As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding; like the Roman, I seem to see "the River Tiber foaming with much blood."

That tragic and intractable phenomenon which we watch with horror on the other side of the Atlantic but which there is interwoven with the history and existence of the States itself, is coming upon us here by our own volition and our own neglect. Indeed, it has all but come. In numerical terms, it will be of American proportions long before the end of the century.
Only resolute and urgent action will avert it even now. Whether there will be the public will to demand and obtain that action, I do not know. All I know is that to see, and not to speak, would be the great betrayal.

More Religious Humour.

Well, thanks to Dear Leader's wankfest aka RuddStock08, and my personal fave the All-singing', all-dancin' goat rodeo (thanks, Spot) I've been unable to watch the news.

Bolta has been swimming in that particular sewer: Day One, Day Two.

A few minutes here and there are all I can cope with.

So I've got Harold and Kumar on in the background while I chase up some more stuff to make me laugh. It's either that or go watch that dreadful Saab ad and hunt down some rope and a high joist to hang it from.

My brief is to find jokes by people of different religious persuasions for their own groups and post them here.

Spot in the comments pointed me towards Quaker humour, including how many Quakers it takes to change a lightbulb!.

So I'm continuing in my quest.

Please note that I may not find some of these hilariously funny; my definition of humour is not the same as everyone else's. At the moment, in this household, scatology rules the roost. It can't not with Magilla and Spiderboy and their antics.

Buddhist humour.
The first joke on this page was told to me the other day by a mate:

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hotdog vendor?
Make me one with everything.

I'm obviously a total numpty, but that went completely over my head. My friend was waiting... waiting ... for me to get the joke, but nope. Didn't do it for me. Poor bugger had to explain it to me, and I find that funnier than the joke!

Here's a Hindu/Indian joke:

Driving Styles …

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window. - Sydney

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn - Japan

One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator… - Boston

Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror - New York

Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat - Italy

One hand on horn, one hand on holding gear, one ear listening to loud music, one ear on cell phone, one foot on accelerator, one foot on clutch, nothing on break, eyes on females in next car, - Welcome to INDIA!

It's quite interesting, trying to find things that amuse other groups - I've found a hindu comedian on youtube, but he appears to be performing for the non-hindu audience, so that's not quite what I'm looking for. It looks like I'm going to have to do more searching.

Any suggestions are more than welcome, and please bear with me while I go hunting for more stuff to make us all laugh.

In the meantime, The Back Passage is an absolute cack! It's a pdf, and it's got nothing to do with religion, but it contains some hilarious information about what people stick up their backsides.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Makes You Want To Buy A Monster Truck And Run Over Baby Seals And Penguins.

This ad is playing all over the teev at the moment. Apparently, according to the person who youtubed it*, this is .... one of the best soundtrack I have ever heard in commercial. You have to seen this video!

Personally, each time I see it I start rummaging around behind the couch and under the fridge trying to find those rusty razor blades.

The comments over at youtube are classic, too:

The whale in this video is Lolita who lives at the Miami Seaquarium. Please help get her a bigger tank as hers is ilegal.{as is your spelling} sign the "free lolita petition" created by me. I am personally taking it in july to Miami when im on holiday there. I have 510 signatures already

"Reeeeleeeasee meee!!!" The way she sings it is more powerful than any 2-litre plus turbo engine..I find myself returning once a while to watch this video..

It is a very sad ad. A butterfly constrained from reaching it's true world by a window, a killer whale choked by a glass of water instead of being free in the ocean; a dog chained to a tether and not allowed to run free. I wonder what happened to each of those creatures, sacrificed for a car manufacturer. The song is amazing to raise those feelings.

*This person is, according to their youtube profile, a 19yo from Poland. For that reason, I hold them no rancour for posting this nauseating piece of dreck. At that age, he or she has been immersed in far too much Eau de PC and may be short a few critical faculties.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

"Lamentations Of The Father." By Ian Frazier.

I hope the author doesn't mind my lifting this wholesale - it's just too funny, and people don't always follow the admonition to READ IT ALL!

“Lamentations of the Father” by Ian Frazier

Laws of Forbidden Places

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of
all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not
in the living room.

Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may
eat, but not in the living room.

Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat,
but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn
and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that
are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not
in the living room.

Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal
treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.

Of the juices and other beverages, yea, even of those in sippy-
cups, you may drink, but not in the living room; neither may you
carry such therein.

Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet
begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither
may you drink.

But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something,
then may you eat in the living room.

Laws When at Table

And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as
a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as
it were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon
the table, for that is an abomination unto me. Yea, even when
you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the
table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.

Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any
utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what
they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick
it off, you shall be sent away.

When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the
table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold
it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a
duck: for you shall be sent away.

When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have
swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your
sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your
brother or your sister hath done the same to you.

Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither
seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the
table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it,
but leave it as it is.

And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker,
draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not
do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very
like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest,
because we do not do that, that is why.

Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the
other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me;
for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And
now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

Laws Pertaining to Dessert

For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate
that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you
shall have dessert.

But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten
most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite
consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six
peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of
your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can
see, then you shall have dessert.

But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the
potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the
peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have
dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof.

And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around
with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have
not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall
have no dessert.

On Screaming

Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you
are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch
each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to
the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of
your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate
gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault.

Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece
of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal
seasoning is loathsome to you and steeped in vileness, again I
say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you,
and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from
within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your
fingers to your nose. For even I have made the fish as it should
be; behold, I eat it myself, yet shall not surely die.

Concerning Face and Hands

Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to
the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains
are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice

And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of
your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner
wonderful to see.

Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in
its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo,
how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you
shall not go hence until I have done.

Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances

Bite not, lest you be also bitten again. Neither drink of your
own bath water, nor of the bath water of any kind; nor rub your
feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself
against cars, not against any building; nor eat sand.

Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should
so afflict it with tape? And hum not the humming in your nose as
I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you
shall drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the

Friday, April 04, 2008

Sectarian Humour.

Some christian humour.

How many choir members does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Roman Catholics: None. They use candles.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to
pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the lights
will be on and off.

Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and
seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives
to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: "We choose not to make a statement either in
favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if
in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work
for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or
compose a modern dance about your personal relationship
with your light bulb, and present it next month at our
annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore
a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent,
fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which
are equally valid paths to luminescence."

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and
two or three committees to approve the change. Oh, and
also one to provide a casserole.

Methodists: (see Baptists)

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

One day a Pastor went to visit one of his church members homes. As he arrived, the mother of the house saw who it was and, because she had no food to offer him, told her children to tell the pastor that she has gone out, as she hid under the bed. When the children opened the door, the pastor walked in and asked if the mother or father of the house was in. From where he was standing he could see the legs of the mother sticking out from underneath the bed. Meanwhile the children were telling him that the mother of the house had gone to the shops to buy food. The pastor then said in a loud voice "Before I go I would like to pray for the mother of the house, for she has gone to the shops and left her legs behind!"

An example of the Sahabah's sense of humour, which made the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) laugh, is the report given by Imam Ahmad from Umm. Salamah (radhiallahu `anha). Abil Bakr (radhiallahu `anhu) went to do business in Busra, and with him were Nu'ayman and Suwaybit ibn Harmalah (radhiallahu `anhuma), both of whom had been present at Badr. Suwaybit was in charge of food on the journey, and Nu'ayman said to him, "Feed me!" Suwaybit said, "Not until Abu Bakr (radhiallahu `anhu) comes." Nu'ayman was a fun-loving man with a sense of humour, so he went to some people who had brought livestock with them, and said, "Will you buy a sturdy Arab slave from me?" They said, "Yes." He said, "He has a big mouth, and he may tell you that he is a free man. If that means that you do not want to take him, then forget the matter, and do not cause trouble for me with him." They said, "No problem, we will buy him." So they bought him for ten young she-camels. Nu'ayman brought the animals back, and told the people: "There he is!" Suwaybit said: "I am a free man!" They said, "He has already told us all about you," and put a rope around his neck and led him away. Then Abu Bakr came, and was told what had happened. He and his companions went and returned the animals and took Suwaybit back. They told the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) what had happened, and he and his Sahabah would laugh about the story for a year afterwards.

A Bedouin came to the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam). He entered the mosque and left his camel in the courtyard. Some of his Companions said to Nu'ayman ibn 'Amr al-Ansari, who was known as al-Nu'ayman: "If you slaughter it, we will eat it, because we want to have some meat, and the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) will pay for it." So al-Nu'ayman slaughtered it. Then the Bedouin came out and saw his saddle, so he shouted, "They have slaughtered my camel, O Muhammad!" The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) came out and asked: "Who did this?" They said, "Al-Nu'ayman." So he went looking for him, and found him at the home of Duba'ah bint al-Zubayr ibn 'Abdul Muttalib (radhiallahu `anha), where he had hidden in a ditch and covered himself with palm branches and leaves. A man pointed to where he was and said, loudly, "I have not seen him, O Messenger of Allah." The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) brought him out of the ditch, and his face was dirty from where the leaves had fallen on him. The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) asked him, "Why did you do that?" Al-Nu'ayrnan said: "The ones who told you where I was, O Messenger of Allah, are the same ones who told me to do it." The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) began wiping his face and laughing, then he paid the price of the slaughtered camel. [See Hayat As Sahabah, 3/154, 155]

I also found this one pretty funny, but it's not exactly muslim humour, and I'd prefer not to get comments declaring me a rabid islamophobe or racist. Here's the site it came from.

And a bit more Jewish humour.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Terrorist Chic Comes To The Bogan Belt.

According to the Bride's Diary:

By offering a stylish new range, which encompasses both Australian and International suit designs, Roger David have raised the bar in the traditional suit hire market.

Roger David specialise in suit hire for weddings with stores located in all major shopping centres nationwide – it’s easy to organise suit hire for your special day.

Hmmm. How's that working out on the international suit thingy?

Well, I guess Yasser Arafat was an international figure.

In fact, he cut such a dashing figure across the world stage that hundreds of thousands emulate his particular fetish for a particular type of print on his headdress.

You too can dress like a terrorist courtesy of Roger David stores in Australia.

And for only $29.99, too.
Cheaper to buy one overseas, I reckon.

It might also help to remember that a)Arafat threatened the UN in 1974(that's the way I read his words about coming with an olive branch and a gun), and b)he wore the keffiyeh because he was bald.

Well done, Roger David.

You now look like a bald terrorist who also happens to be severely dead.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

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