Friday, April 04, 2008

Sectarian Humour.

Some christian humour.

How many choir members does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Roman Catholics: None. They use candles.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to
pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the lights
will be on and off.

Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and
seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives
to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: "We choose not to make a statement either in
favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if
in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work
for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or
compose a modern dance about your personal relationship
with your light bulb, and present it next month at our
annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore
a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent,
fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which
are equally valid paths to luminescence."

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and
two or three committees to approve the change. Oh, and
also one to provide a casserole.

Methodists: (see Baptists)

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

One day a Pastor went to visit one of his church members homes. As he arrived, the mother of the house saw who it was and, because she had no food to offer him, told her children to tell the pastor that she has gone out, as she hid under the bed. When the children opened the door, the pastor walked in and asked if the mother or father of the house was in. From where he was standing he could see the legs of the mother sticking out from underneath the bed. Meanwhile the children were telling him that the mother of the house had gone to the shops to buy food. The pastor then said in a loud voice "Before I go I would like to pray for the mother of the house, for she has gone to the shops and left her legs behind!"

An example of the Sahabah's sense of humour, which made the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) laugh, is the report given by Imam Ahmad from Umm. Salamah (radhiallahu `anha). Abil Bakr (radhiallahu `anhu) went to do business in Busra, and with him were Nu'ayman and Suwaybit ibn Harmalah (radhiallahu `anhuma), both of whom had been present at Badr. Suwaybit was in charge of food on the journey, and Nu'ayman said to him, "Feed me!" Suwaybit said, "Not until Abu Bakr (radhiallahu `anhu) comes." Nu'ayman was a fun-loving man with a sense of humour, so he went to some people who had brought livestock with them, and said, "Will you buy a sturdy Arab slave from me?" They said, "Yes." He said, "He has a big mouth, and he may tell you that he is a free man. If that means that you do not want to take him, then forget the matter, and do not cause trouble for me with him." They said, "No problem, we will buy him." So they bought him for ten young she-camels. Nu'ayman brought the animals back, and told the people: "There he is!" Suwaybit said: "I am a free man!" They said, "He has already told us all about you," and put a rope around his neck and led him away. Then Abu Bakr came, and was told what had happened. He and his companions went and returned the animals and took Suwaybit back. They told the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) what had happened, and he and his Sahabah would laugh about the story for a year afterwards.

A Bedouin came to the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam). He entered the mosque and left his camel in the courtyard. Some of his Companions said to Nu'ayman ibn 'Amr al-Ansari, who was known as al-Nu'ayman: "If you slaughter it, we will eat it, because we want to have some meat, and the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) will pay for it." So al-Nu'ayman slaughtered it. Then the Bedouin came out and saw his saddle, so he shouted, "They have slaughtered my camel, O Muhammad!" The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) came out and asked: "Who did this?" They said, "Al-Nu'ayman." So he went looking for him, and found him at the home of Duba'ah bint al-Zubayr ibn 'Abdul Muttalib (radhiallahu `anha), where he had hidden in a ditch and covered himself with palm branches and leaves. A man pointed to where he was and said, loudly, "I have not seen him, O Messenger of Allah." The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) brought him out of the ditch, and his face was dirty from where the leaves had fallen on him. The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) asked him, "Why did you do that?" Al-Nu'ayrnan said: "The ones who told you where I was, O Messenger of Allah, are the same ones who told me to do it." The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) began wiping his face and laughing, then he paid the price of the slaughtered camel. [See Hayat As Sahabah, 3/154, 155]

I also found this one pretty funny, but it's not exactly muslim humour, and I'd prefer not to get comments declaring me a rabid islamophobe or racist. Here's the site it came from.

And a bit more Jewish humour.


At 11:28 PM, Anonymous spot_the_dog said...

In keeping with your ecumenical joke page, may I submit an addendum?

How many Quakers does it take to change a light bulb?

(To think that some folks don't think Friends have a sense of humour!)

At 11:39 PM, Anonymous spot_the_dog said...

And, a guide to Quakerese. ;-)

At 10:01 AM, Blogger MK said...

LOL Thanks Nilk.


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