Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Suffer The Children.

"My decision to bear a child as a transgender male has been met with discrimination and outright derision by health care professionals."

There is something profoundly wrong with this situation.

Via Bioedge.

This is what happens when you throw the family to the dogs.

If you can't be bothered following the links and reading the whole story, in a nutshell a woman became a bloke, married another woman, and since the second woman couldn't carry a child, the first woman (who was a bloke and is now a man, remember) is pregnant so they can be a "family."


Welcome to the Next Generation of Families, or how to continue deconstructing the free world you live in.

I read stories like this, and wonder if maybe I shouldn't start facing qibla.

Somehow, I doubt Thomas and Nancy have considered seriously what they have actually conceived - apart from a remarkable political statement.

I'm going to keep my religion out of this for a moment and say: Read the papers. Look at the reports coming out about children from broken homes, donor children/adoptees who grow up to be pissed off adults.

Children are not accessories.

They are not handbags, or the way to prove a point.

Ten years ago, when Nancy and I became a couple, the idea of us having a child was more dream than plan. I always wanted to have children. However, due to severe endometriosis 20 years ago, Nancy had to undergo a hysterectomy and is unable to carry a child. But after the success of our custom screen-printing business and a move from Hawaii to the Pacific Northwest two years ago, the timing finally seemed right. I stopped taking my bimonthly testosterone injections. It had been roughly eight years since I had my last menstrual cycle, so this wasn't a decision that I took lightly. My body regulated itself after about four months, and I didn't have to take any exogenous estrogen, progesterone, or fertility drugs to aid my pregnancy.

So, you got together, it worked out, you got the business up and running. Why not add a kid and complete the picture?

It is only a picture.

A child is a unique person with their own views.

I could quite happily go through life without ever seeing Magilla's father ever again.


He has never lived with us, so she has no idea of what it would be like to live as a nuclear family unit. That doesn't stop her from wanting him to live with us.

She used to ask if we could live with daddy, or could she have a daddy. (Preferably hers), and I've had to say that as much as daddy loves her, he doesn't want to live with us. He may want to live with her, but I come as part of the package and he doesn't want that.

It's harsh, but I'm not going to lie.

He has a life of his own with a partner, career and everything that goes with that.

Every now and then she lets slip little things so I know that it's still on her mind. I expect it always will be, but she also knows what the answer will be if she asks about having a daddy.

What will Thomas and Nancy say to their little girl when trying to explain how daddy used to be a girl who turned into a boy, which is why he could have her.

Knowing how my girl's mind works, I'm sure there will be a few questions asked about why daddy didn't want to be a girl, and if only girls can have babies then surely that must mean that daddy is actually a girl, and there are actually two mummies and not a mummy and a daddy in the family.

That's a recipe for distress if there ever was one.

Our situation sparks legal, political, and social unknowns. We have only begun experiencing opposition from people who are upset by our situation. Doctors have discriminated against us, turning us away due to their religious beliefs. Health care professionals have refused to call me by a male pronoun or recognize Nancy as my wife. Receptionists have laughed at us. Friends and family have been unsupportive; most of Nancy's family doesn't even know I'm transgender.

Regarding family being unsupportive... When a person changes their gender, it is not a decision lightly made.

Maybe I'm going to sound a bit condescending since I've never done it myself, but with all the hormone treatments, operations, rewiring your whole life, then presumably you would be taking the final step and never looking back.

..I decided to have chest reconstruction and testosterone therapy but kept my reproductive rights.

Thomas keeping his female reproductive orders is sort of like having a bet both ways, and makes a mockery of the whole process.

Yes, people will ridicule you for the disrespect you have for the sanctity of the life you are bringing into the world.

When I finally got pregnant for the first time, I ended up having an ectopic pregnancy with triplets. It was a life-threatening event that required surgical intervention, resulting in the loss of all embryos and my right fallopian tube. When my brother found out about my loss, he said, "It's a good thing that happened. Who knows what kind of monster it would have been."

I can see where his brother is coming from, but I wouldn't say that the child would be a monster.

Children are miracles.

They enrich us in so many ways, they ground and uplift us, teach us new things, show us our flaws and our greatness.

Watching mine grow and unfold before my eyes is a wonder I never tire of, even if bedtime is a battle, as is dinner time, and her potential career path. (Currently, she's going to be a wrestler with the WWE called The Procrastinator).

How does it feel to be a pregnant man? Incredible. Despite the fact that my belly is growing with a new life inside me, I am stable and confident being the man that I am. In a technical sense I see myself as my own surrogate, though my gender identity as male is constant. To Nancy, I am her husband carrying our child -- I am so lucky to have such a loving, supportive wife. I will be my daughter's father, and Nancy will be her mother. We will be a family.


Thomas, when you decided to become pregnant and give birth, you became a woman again.

The changes your body will go through are nothing you will expect. If you go into labour, or miscarry, you'll find out a few more things about how women work, and not how a man does.

I don't have a problem with people changing genders. That's their call.

When they want to change back and play at mummies and daddies with real children, then I take umbrage.

The rights of children seem to matter less and less when it comes to the rights of everyone else irrespective of political affiliation, gender preference or religion.

Children are the ultimate victims.


At 12:30 AM, Blogger WomanHonorThyself said...

Great read! the Monty Python touch! up the good fight!


Post a Comment

<< Home