Sunday, August 06, 2006

So You Want To Be An Australian Citizen?

Australian Government Department of Immigration and Multicultural and Indigenous Affairs Application for Grant of Australian Citizenship

You must answer 75% (28 or more out of 37) of these questions correctly in order to qualify for Australian Citizenship

1. How many slabs can you fit in the back of a Falcon Ute while also allowing room for your cattle dog?

2. When packing an Esky do you put the ice, or the beer, in first?

3. Is the traditional Aussie Christmas dinner:
a) At least two roasted meats with roast vegetables, followed by a pudding you could use as a cannonball. Also ham. In 40C heat.
b) A seafood buffet followed by a barbie, with rather a lot of booze. And ham. In 40C heat.
c) Both of the above, one at lunchtime and one at dinnertime. Weather continues fine.

4. How many beers in a slab?

5. You call that a knife, this is a knife.
True or False?

6. Does "yeah-nah" mean
a) "Yes and no"
b) "Maybe"
c) "Yes I understand but No I don't agree"?

7. The phrases "strewth" and "flamin' dingo" can be attributed to which TV character?
a) Toadie from Neighbours
b) Alf from Home & Away
c) Agro from Agro's Cartoon Connection
d) Sgt. Tom Croydon from Blue Heelers?

8. When cooking a barbecue do you turn the sausages
a) Once or twice
b) As often as necessary to cook
c) After each stubby
d) Until charcoal?

9. Name three of the Daddo brothers.

10. Who was the original lead singer of AC/DC?

11. Which option describes your ideal summer afternoon:
a) Drinking beer at a mate's place
b) Drinking beer at the beach
c) Drinking beer watching the cricket/footy
d) Drinking beer at a mate's place while watching the cricket before going to the beach?

12. Would you eat pineapple on pizza? Would you eat egg on a pizza?

13. How many cans of beer did David Boon consume on a plane trip from Australia to England?

14. How many stubbies is it from Brissy to the Gold Coast in a Torana travelling at 120km/h?

15. Who are Scott and Charlene?

16. How do you apply your tomato sauce to a pie?
a) Squirt and spread with finger
b) Sauce injection straight into the middle?

17. If the police raided your home would you:
a) Allow them to rummage through your personal items
b) Phone up the nearest talkback radio shock jock and complain
c) Put a written complaint in to John Howard and hope that he answers it personally?

18. Which Australian Prime Minister held the world record for drinking a yardie full of beer the fastest?

19. Have you ever had/do you have a mullet?

20. Thongs are:
a) Skimpy underwear
b) Casual footwear
c) They're called jandals, bro?

21. On which Ashes tour did Warney's hair look the best?
a) 1993
b) 1997
c) 2001
d) 2005

22. What is someone more likely to die of:
a) Red Back Spider
b) Great White Shark
c) Victorian Police Officer
d) King Brown Snake
e) Your missus after a big night
f) Dropbear?

23. How many times must a steak be turned on a conventional four-burner barbie?

24. Can you sing along to Cold Chisel's Khe Sanh?

25. Explain both the "follow-on" and "LBW" rules in cricket and discuss the pros and cons for the third umpire decisions in the latter....

26. Name at least 5 items that must be taken to a BBQ.

27. Who is current Australian test cricket captain:
a) Ricky Ponting
b) Don Bradman
c) John Howard
d) Makybe Diva?

28. Is it best to take a sick day on:
a) When the cricket's on
b) When the cricket's on
c) When the cricket’s on?

29. What animal is on the Bundaberg Rum bottle?

30. What is the difference between a pot and a middy of beer?

31. What are Budgie smugglers?

32. What brand and size of Esky will you be purchasing?

33. Did you cry when Molly died on a Country Practice?

34. A "Hoppoate" is:
a) A breed of kangaroo
b) A kind of Australian "wedgie"
c) A disgraced Rugby League player?

35. What does having a 'chunder' mean?

36. When you were young did you prefer the Hills Hoist over any swing set?

37. What does the terminology 'True Blue' mean?

Your Score ………….


At 10:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was born here and, apart from failing this, don't understand some of the questions.

At 10:47 PM, Blogger Nilk said...

There are a couple I can't answer either, but that's part of the fun. I'm not a beer drinker and don't pay attention to the footy or cricket anymore, so I lose out there.

Which questions you having probs with?

At 2:59 PM, Blogger Caz said...

No problem understanding the questions, but nope, can't answer a few of them - not even at a guess.

For example: did Warnie EVER have good hair year? Jeez, who knew! Which year?

At 7:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If it was a true 'Australianess' test it would have three options for answers:

a. True
b. False
c. Maybe

The last one I use to get 50% right (or is that wrong?, Glasss half full/half empty argument I guess)

At 11:43 PM, Blogger Jai Normosone said...

1. Does the ute have heavy duty springs? Is it a trayback or tub body? Stuff the esky - just fill the tub body with a pallet of beer and dump the ice on it ready to go. The bluey can sit up front.
2. I may as well shit in the esky too if I'm going to put crap like beer in it. Esky's are for steak. The beer goes in the back of the ute.
3. C
4. Enough for most wannabes with 7 mates to get spastic with (3 each).
5. True :)
6. C
7. B
8. I say 'B' but brother cooks according to smoke detector.
9. Itchy, Scratchy, Bozo. Who fucking cares!
10. The one, the only, Bonn Scott!
11. E) Not having to hang around all the dumb pricks wasting their afternoon with shit beer and cricket.
12. Yep. Yep.
13. Who cares.
14. Who's drinking them? 1 for some - 6-pack for others.
15. Husband and wife in Tasmania. Bro & sis everywhere else.
16. C) none - masks the taste of the roo meat too much.
17. D) Hope I wasn't there.
18. A snivelling, crying sook!
19. Uh.... yeah.... :(
20. B
21. Fuck Warnie. So what if he can chuck a ball - what else is he good for? Give the prick a shovel and tell him to dig a hole because that's all he'd be doing if he couldn't chuck that stupid ball in that mind-numbingly boring game!
22. G) Pissing people off during an Aussie questionaire :)
23. Once!
24. FUCK NO! That song SUCKS. It might have been good at one time in it's life but it has been PLAYED TO DEATH by arsewipe radio stations that think that Cold Chisel (fronted by some untalented howler) only had one goddamn song! Must be drunk to sing with this shit.
25. Cricket... who cares!
26. Me. Appetite. some other shit.... :)
27. I guess Makybe Diva could actually catch a ball... I wonder if Warnie would try to crack onto Wikikamukow (or however you spell that...)
28. D) All of the above - so that you can go for a blast in the car somewhere while all the cops are at the cricket trying to keep the drunks awake.
29. Irish Polar Beer. Someone told him to go looking for a penguin to eat. Got lost.
30. The state you order it in - yet both are filled with crap that isn't even fit for degreaser.
31. Like poofters who shove gerbils up their arses - they shove budgies down their y-fronts to see if it'll sit on the perch :)
32. Already got a huge one :)
33. Cry? I applauded when someone told me how said it was.
34. B
35. What you do when you hear politicians saying that they deserve their yearly 20% pay rises.
36. Not unless I wanted a flogging.
37. Not what it used to mean :(

Score: 873,246 points! :)

At 1:42 PM, Anonymous Joel said...

Two relatives dead defending PNG in WWII, another who survived fighting in Greece, Crete, Egypt, Palestine, Syria, Lebanon & PNG during WWII and yet another who survived Vietnam. And I think I can only answer about five of your questions. Does this disqualify me, or do I get exemptions for blood relatives fighting for Australia in the right wars?


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