Sunday, July 09, 2006

Speech Impediment.

Over the last few years, I've been doing a lot more reading on matters religious. I'm noticing that there have been a few changes going on inside me, and it's been intriguing to watch the developments.

One change that is particularly fascinating to me is my self-talk and how I am expressing myself verbally these days.

I've been reading the bible - New Testament and Old - as well as the quran and ahadith. I am a voracious reader of the anti-jihad sites, which some might label anti-islamic. I also read islamic sites, and christian sites. Along with a smattering of jewish blogs.

Add to that regular church services and being able to discuss beliefs without fear of ridicule or mockery, and it's been leading to no small enlightenment.

What I've found is that my faith is becoming stronger, and with it, so am I.

What I've also found is that my language is changing.

Don't get me wrong, I can still drop some serious words if the situation warrants it, but when it comes to taking the Lord's name in vain, I am less inclined to do so. Rather than an exasperated "For God's sake!" I am using "For goodness' sake!"

I had a top with a picture of Jesus and the caption: "Jesus loves you, but... everyone else thinks you're a dickhead." I never had any difficulty laughing at that, and while I may still snicker every now and then, I can't bring myself to wear it any more.

It feels disrespectful and wrong.

I've always been given to far too much self-analysis, but there is a new dimension to it. Rather than merely considering the physical and emotional pathways I could take, I now factor in the religious side of things.

I don't consider myself a "spiritual" person, although I've taken pathways that could be labelled as such. I just find that my internal view of the world is becoming much richer and more satisfying.

After decades of searching, I think I'm finally finding myself.

Even better, it's not scary at all.

(Well, not to me. Maybe to other people lol!)


At 11:16 PM, Blogger Bill Cooper said...

Hi Nilk

I still read your somewhat infrequent posts with pleasure. You say your 'faith' is getting stronger. What is it you have faith in?

Best Wishes

At 10:14 AM, Blogger Jai Normosone said...

I think what you'll find is happening to you is what is happening to a lot of people since 9/11.

People who were not constant church-goers but still considered themselves to be Christians are becoming more polarised since the media began pushing the "Islam is the religion of peace" line. Those of us that can think for ourselves and can weigh up the facts can see that the MSM is clogged with know-nothing cocksuckers that think that peace-begats-peace while doing nothing about the problem.

My philosophy for the last couple of years has been: All that is needed for evil to triumph, is for a good man to do nothing (or woman, for that matter).

You are someone who seeks not to sit on your hands and allow the world to continue it's downward spiral into oblivion (or reversion back to the bronze age, ie: under Islam) and that the way for you to make it better, particularly for Magilla, is to maintain your strength with your faith.

I know you know all this but I forget things sometimes as well :)

Your faith is your strength and you are embracing it - that's not scary at all. What is scary is people who embrace a faith that preaches death and destruction to non-believers and *they* are the ones who need eradication.

At 12:17 PM, Blogger MK said...

Good to see your posting again Nilk, i was going to make some inquiries..

At 7:57 AM, Blogger Nilk said...

Bill, I'm a catholic. Be afraid.....

Mat, thanks for the thoughts. I've just been flat out, and there are a couple of things I want to post on, but haven't been able to sit down and do the legwork for them yet.

Now I'm getting onto the swing of things with work, I should be able to post more.

And thanks, as ever, Jai.

At 9:23 AM, Blogger Bill Cooper said...

Why would I be afraid of a catholic, I spent most of my life as one, went to a christian brothers school (most of them were great men),former alter boy and all my kids (6) have gone or will go to catholic schools. If you have to have religion it's a probably the best around, I just can't believe it anymore, I wish I could but I can't.

Best Wishes

At 9:25 AM, Blogger Bill Cooper said...

That should have been Altar, all those years of latin and I still can't spell, Brother Murtagh would not be pleased.

At 6:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bill, I don't wish to pry, but I am genuinely interested in your statement that you would like to believe in the Catholic faith, but you can't any more.

I wouldn't be asking for further information, except you've posted this kind of thing before, so I was wondering if you wanted to expand on it.

If not, please don't be offended by my interest.

And Nilk, sounds like this is a good time for you in many ways - long may it continue!


At 3:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality.

Bernard Shaw

At 12:27 AM, Blogger TimT said...

Not scared, but perhaps a little bit nervous though ...

Good post, though, very honest. Ignore Anonymous, he seems to want to let GB Shaw do all his thinking for him.
There's nothing wrong with honestly held beliefs; the only difficulty is in being honest and inquiring enough to work out what those beliefs are. Some people can't find it in themselves to get this far ...

At 6:36 PM, Blogger James said...

Hi Nilk,
I appreciate the sentiments...I have found myself back in church (and recently confirmed) after a couple of decades of searching. Funny that what I was looking for was right in my backyard, as they say.

Knowing what I know now, I think some of our most treasured things are those we've had to strive for. And for what it's worth, I don't think there are many paths more demanding of us, internally, as individuals, yet more forgiving of our humanity, than the Christian way.

I'm discovering that having arrived where I started, the journey is now truly beginning...

(yeeeuch...I can't believe I just wrote that! But I'll leave it at that.)

At 6:49 PM, Blogger Nilk said...

I won't tell if you don't, James. :)

I don't generally call myself a christian because I'm not very good at following in Jesus' footsteps. I try to, but it's definitely not for the faint of heart. I'm a catholic. That's the path I got dragged kicking and screaming to, that's the one I've fallen off plenty of times, but it's the only one that makes any sense to me.

Bill, I suggested you be afraid because I'm a catholic convert. I was sort of agnostic until around 22 when I got my wakeup.

It wasn't a call, more a smack around the head with a fourby. :) I don't generally discuss the details often because I find it too personal, but at some stage I think I will blog on it.

Just not yet.

It was handy not having to get baptised again, as I was baptised High Church of England when I was 5 (I have no idea why - my mum was atheist and my dad agnostic. Go figure).

At 8:58 PM, Blogger James said...

I just went with the Church of England, myself, as I went to many evangelical-style "non-denominational" churches as a kid, and I find the lack of emotionalism in the CofE reassuring. (It was C.S. Lewis' work that turned me on to the CofE.)

Luckily, the parish we belong to is Low Church, with a slight evangelical edge, but without the emotion. And when they pray over the Middle East, they usually mention Israel positively. They also sponsor missionaries to Muslim countries.

Which was a relief to me, as one of the first CofE services I attended (in another parish) had a slide show on a Palestinian charity they were supporting complete with photos of Israeli checkpoints.

I have to admit, the more I hear coming out of the Pope, the more I am coming to admire him.

At 9:05 PM, Blogger Nilk said...

I'm loving the pope.

We attend a baptist service most sundays, as we are friends with the pastor and some of the congregation. They have a great "kidz church", too, which Magilla enjoys.

We go to mass occasionally (hence me being a bad catholic lol).

While I enjoy the services we attend, I do feel the lack of the Eucharist.

I say plenty of Our Fathers and not as many Hail Marys, so I'm hoping that I won't burn in hell.
/tongue in cheek.

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