Monday, February 26, 2007

The TMI Files. A Branch Falls From The Family Tree.

I wanted to write something really profound, but I find I am starting to cry properly for the first time.

My dad died last saturday. It was quick and (presumably) painless - massive strokes are like that - but his body didn't realise it.

So after a couple of days in the hospital, first in emergency, then intensive care, when we knew that there was no hope of recovery, we took him off life support.

It only took a couple of hours for him to wind down.

In some ways, it was good, in others, it was horrible.

I didn't say goodbye as such, as he wasn't there to talk to, but I did tell him that I prayed for him and he was in God's hands. I was also sure he'd be pissed with me about that, but I didn't care since it came with me and he could get over it. :)

We were all there. My sis and brother, niece, brother-in-law, my uncle who made it down from Brissie in time, my dad's wife and her daughter, and one of his best friends who was also with us when mum died.

It's a bit of tribe, but that's my family.

Magilla is with outlaws, so I've not seen her since saturday afternoon, but it will be good to see her tomorrow. A hospital is not really the most interesting or suitable place for a young primate.

One positive out of it all is that at least he went out doing what he loved.

On the golf course, of course.

For any golfers reading this, I can't tell you what hole he was on, or what his score was - I'll be finding that out in the next couple of days when we sort out funeral arrangements.

So. Posting will necessarily be light over the next couple of weeks while I get my head around things. God has given me plenty of strength to get through this so far - it's remarkable how I've kept it together so far. It's a lot easier than with mum, but since I've already been through losing a parent, I guess that helps, too.

My dad really was the best man. He wasn't perfect, but he was wonderful. He always did the right thing, and would do anything for anybody.

And now he's gone. As of today I am an orphan.

I've been missing him since saturday, and will continue to do so, but I also know that the hole that he's left inside me will never go away. It will just become less painful and less noticeable.

And I will also notice within myself how much I am like him.

We really do turn into our parents and they are always with us.

I just wish it were on the same plane.

12 Comments:

At 10:55 AM, Blogger Caz said...

Sorry to hear about your loss, Nilk. My thoughts are with you.

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger LYL said...

As of today I am an orphan.

I'm so sorry, Nilk. I'll pray for you and your Dad.

 
At 10:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear.

Tim

 
At 11:52 PM, Blogger C.L. said...

My condolences, Nilk.

May perpetual light shine upon him.

 
At 6:27 PM, Anonymous Pedro said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Nilk.

I know your Dad was a Vietnam veteran, and served Australia honourably for many years.

May he Rest in Peace.

++++Lest We Forget++++

 
At 12:46 PM, Blogger Dee said...

nilk, just 'happened' to link to your blog from AWH (as i sometimes do) and read this...had been wondering where you got to! i'm truly sorry to hear about your loss *hug* i'm praying for you right now

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger Dee said...

i just scrolled down and read your 'notes on being a veteran' below and found myself moved to tears
i just said goodbye to our american friends who had been visiting us here in australia for a short time...at 44 years old, the husband has been in the american military for 24 years and is now a high-ranking officer...he's a truly amazing man...strong, courageous and optimistic
i had the opportunity to observe him up-close and took him over to my parents for a big impromptu family bbq so they could all meet...while he was there, he met my nephew, who is only 16 and wants to join the military while they are still fighting in iraq...he's also saving to go with his (christian) school to go to the solomon islands...he did the washing up that night as part of his workathon efforts and we gave him a contribution...my american friend went to him quietly as he was bent over the sink and slipped him some money too...and as they gave each other a 'manly hug', i saw the connection of two kindred spirits and my friend told him quietly, 'if you do get deployed, make sure you come into my unit so i can 'look after' you'
there is something about the protective instinct and brotherly love between those who understand that 'no greater love hath any man than he lay down his life for his friends'
(i'm inspired to post something very similar at my own blog)

 
At 6:05 AM, Blogger Zoe Brain said...

Oh Nilk! Consider yourself given one large economy sized Hug.

My Dad passed away in 1993 - he was conscious and aware, but his heart wasn't ever going to beat again without help, and he needed a machine to breathe. He wanted some dignity in his passing. I was able to give him that, and a last cup of tea too. I held his hand as the morphine made sure he wouldn't feel any pain.

I was as lucky to have my father as you were to have yours.

And a friend of mine about 3 years ago had a massive stroke in her 40's. I was there with her husband when they made the decision to switch off the life support, so I know what you went through. I'd been "best man" at their wedding a few years previously, known them both for 20 years.

I'm glad the Froglet got to meet Grandad at least.

Hugs again, OK?

 
At 1:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another virtual hug, from Virginia USA (because Zoe said to--I'll read more posts and looks like you're likely to get another hug on your own merits).

--LL

 
At 2:01 AM, Blogger James said...

Sorry to read of your loss. We lost my father-in-law to a stroke back in December; we're just now getting used to not having him around (we all lived in the same house.)

My prayers are with you.

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger MK said...

My condolences too Nilk, i shall pray for you and your father.

 
At 10:06 AM, Blogger Jai Normosone said...

Nilk,

I'm really sorry to hear about this - and even more sorry about the lateness of my condolences (the first time in months that I've seen your blog).

I know there is nothing that will take the hurt away but the important thing is that there are a lot of us out there who know you and you will never be alone in this time of mourning if you so desire.

Your dad will never be gone while he keeps a place in your heart.

 

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