Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Single Woman's Lament.

First up, I didn't realise that it's been so long between posts. My bad and apologies.

Now, down to the serious stuff.

I was listening to Carole King in the car the other day. I'd not listened to her in ages, but felt like a bit of a change from Lady Gaga.

I've only just realised that "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" was written in 1960, and may not have carried the sexual overtones of today's society, but I still couldn't help contrasting my own mixed feelings about it.

Back in my early 20s, I felt the song was terribly romantic... she's giving herself to a man she's in love with, and wistfully asking if his reciprocation is more than wishful thinking.

When I listened to it a few days back, now in my 40s (OMG! I'm middle-aged!), my immediate response was to laugh at the naivete of the protagonist and think to myself, "Hell no, girlfriend, you're just another lay."

I guess you could colour me cynical, but if we take a look at today's world, the culture doesn't really lend itself to such romantic dreaming. Far too many people are out for what they can get, rather than thinking of anything like a "greater good".

Don't get me wrong, I was as selfish as the next person 20 years ago, and just as stupid, if I recall correctly. I wish I didn't recall at times!

Let's compare King's lyrics with a demonstration of the decline of Western Civilisation a la the debauchery that is Texts From Last Night:

Tonight you're mine completely
(979): Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.

You give your love so sweetly
(313): Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
(1-313): I would love to give you more rug burn

Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
>(267): Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
(716): lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.

But will you love me tomorrow?
(509): Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
(860): Becoming a productive member of society?
(509): Sam. Come on.

Texts From Last Night is trainwreck reading to me - it has me in stitches, and also aghast at the complete lack of anything resembling shame or discomfort at behaviour that was once considered immoral and offensive.

The Walk of Shame is now something to snicker about with your friends. If you scandalize your family or neighbours it's no big deal. It's not like their opinions are actually important to the younger generations.

To be brutally honest, there are plenty of the older generation who are ignorant, rude and narcissistic also, but nowhere near as visible to the naked eye as the youngsters.

This absence of remorse is one reason why people find it so hard to find love.

When you have no respect for someone, when you don't care for anyone else's good regard, how on earth could you possibly care enough to "love" someone and commit to them?

There is a disconnect between a life spent in the ether and a life out in the real world, and to paraphrase the infamous Rev. Jeremiah Wright, that chook will be coming home to roost with a vengeance in a few years' time.

I know mine has.

As you get older, you get more set in your ways, more determined, and can become less flexible. If you're in the habit of going your own way regardless when you're younger, then it's going to be a heck of a lot more difficult to share your life and space with another person.

And that's not even getting to the emotional part.

When we choose to live in the purely physical sphere, rather than dealing with everything life throws at us; pain, shame, embarrassment, guilt, remorse, acceptance, sorrow, fear and a host of other uncomfortable shades of feeling, when we prefer to turn an experience that others in our vicinity would look askance at into something to celebrate, then we are metaphorically cutting ourselves in half.

So tell me now, and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?


At 10:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sounds like someone needs a hug...


At 5:49 AM, Blogger Nilk said...

Nah, I'm actually pretty cool with it these days. ;)

Thanks for the thought, though - hugs are wonderful.

At 4:19 PM, Blogger Michael Shawn Keller said...

Wow, this is a great blog!! You made me laugh with your brutal honesty, I only hope that others will catch on to it. Good advice too...
Have fun,
Mike Keller

At 6:46 PM, Blogger sfw said...

If you are over 40 you helped make the world we live in, so did I. Doesn't mean I like it.

At 2:13 PM, Blogger Nilk said...

Thanks, Michael.

SFW, I'm over 40 (I'm currently the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything!), and I'll admit to my own small part.

I am well aware of decisions and actions I took that weren't the smartest out there, but the least I can do is try to ensure that my girl is not as ignorant of the bigger picture like I was.

This is not to say my parents were negligent in my upbringing - far from it - just that hindsight is, as they say, 20/20 vision, and things that my parents could never have imagined have come to pass.

I also have a much more active imagination than they did, and I'm a whole lot more cynical than they were.

It's finding the balance now between what my girl needs to know and what she's capable of understanding.

It's very.... challenging.

At 5:32 PM, Blogger Egg said...

'Nah, I'm actually pretty cool with it these days'

Yup, in the middle age singles market the gals have got the house & the kids & so the lyrics are on the other foot ...

One of my all time faves, along with the Three Degrees' 'When Will I see You Again' of the 70s

At 6:33 PM, Blogger Nilk said...

I see where you're coming from, Egg, but I've not got the house, nor the money.

Her father has a house, and the money.

He never lived with us, and the small amounts he used to bestow upon me came with instructions.

I'd call $30 in cash and some sport fees a bargain for him for this year.

I work fulltime and pay my way.

With that sort of ex in my life, and my obvious lack of discernment, I'm happier single lol.

At 7:46 PM, Blogger Egg said...

'obvious lack of discernment'

Hehe, many of we divorcees will agree with such candid introspection, I'm sure!

At 2:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 2:21 PM, Anonymous Ahem said...

Yes...and Merry Christmas...........MilkNurse ;-)


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