How not to pick up girls.So here I was on the weekend at a 21st birthday party for two friends.
One of the girls is my best friend's daughter. The other is not, obviously.
The setting, a pub in the western suburbs - the nicer one in the suburb in question. Not that I notice things like that, of course.
So I'm yakking to the grandfather of the other girl. I've not met this fellow before, but he's got to be 70 if he's a day, and a great-grandfather to boot. It was an okay conversation, a bit of politics, social sciences, that sort of stuff. He does a bit of volunteer work in town, seems a bit harmless.
He comes up to me a bit later on, I'm holding a glass of wine in each hand (only one was mine), and he mentions to me that he's got a bit of a vitamin deficiency.
Apparently, said deficiency isn't your standard. I'm starting to feel caged, and suggest alcohol or chocolate deficiency.
/alarm bells louder.
I'm getting really uncomfortable; we are in a well-lit hotel, surrounded by people aged from 90 down to about 3, so it's a g-rated environment, family and friends and plenty of decorum.
Not this fellow.
His vitamin deficiency can only be supplemented by the orgasmic juices of a young woman.
It takes a lot to leave me well and truly gobsmacked, but 2 days later I'm still reeling.
He did realise that I found his words highly offensive, and got very apologetic, but he wouldn't leave it alone. I'm a captive audience, because I'm not going to make a scene at an occasion like that. I wanted to, though.
I got the hell out of there as fast as I could. Having to work on sunday was a handy excuse, especially since it was true.
He kept coming over to me, grabbing me by the hand and giving me smarmy apologies.
/fingers down throat.
As soon as the cakes were cut, I was on the freeway heading for home and a shower.
I've definitely been living a sheltered life lately. I had forgotten there were sleazebags like that out there, but I have never had a come-on like that.
With luck I never will again. Bleh.